i told you

this is not a sad story
it's all about how people could fall that hard

well,
being in love is a beautiful thing that happens to everyone on this earth.
i felt that.

being in love is hard.
and it's a mystery.

oh, how nice to feel butterflies fly in your stomach that you feel like you have eaten tons of food everytime you see him when you actually have only drunk a glass of water this evening.

'Have you eaten?' he asks.
You shake your head as you say that you don't feel eating. He looks at you, surprised.
he doesn't understand.

That night, you are on the phone with him.

'It's too late, why don't you sleep?'
he can't see your face smiling while hearing his voice, he's laughing over videos that he's watching or mumbling because that's what he does when he has no idea what to say to you.
he doesn't realize.


?


he thinks you are obsessed
he thinks you are too stupid
he thinks you aren't enough

yet you still love him the same
yet you still want him to change into the better person
yet you still care about him and his everything and his plans and his stories and all

sometimes, the way he talks and his opinions about things are just the opposite of yours.
but he's still beautiful.
so beautiful that you don't want to create an inconvenience circumstances while being with him.

still
oh my god
still

he doens't understand
a selfish
is cranky
keeps blaming
twisting your words

you keep saying to yourself
convincing yourself
that he's the best that he will learn someday and change into the better and better and better and bettern person.

tell god he will change
tell god he has a good heart
ask god to forgive
ask god if you are okay or this is too much

now everyone is wondering
how could you fall that hard?
how could he lie the whole time?
and how could you be so stupid?

'love is driving you insane, oftenly'

you say it
smiling
as you put the pieces you've been stacking for 8 months after the 'other him' you knew smashed the wall,
back.

you don't do cry
cry is for the weak
and even when you are as weak as petals
you are writting instead of crying