After holding grudges for quite some time and releasing it by doing some reckless actions, I'm over it. 

Not that I forget everything, all the good and the bad things, I will never be able to erase them all from my memory. I still cry myself a river when my condition is unstable. Crying thinking about how could I let that person get into my life and ruin me. It's just, confusing. Months ago, I knew him so well that I knew what he was gonna say and do, and now, I don't know him at all. But oh well, that's what happens when the period is over.

However, I'm super proud of myself for being able to get through this 65% with my own help. From April to May, that period, I was struggling in living my life.  I cried every night, I couldn't eat, I could barely breathe, it just felt freaking hurt that being gone was the only thing I wanted to do. It felt like I was being stabbed right in my back many times and constantly. Though I feel so much better, the trauma remains forever. I still like picturing him and his new girl, thinking how could I be replaced that fast. 

Still, all the obstacles and struggles couldn't have been gone through without the help of my loved ones. Super Grateful!

I want to say thank you to Kak Ita, for always being there during those hard times. Helped me to get through it, helped me to make the fantastic long paragraph for this guy, and helped me defend myself. Your encouraging words also helped me a lot, I love you forever<3

I want to say thank you to Indira, for always checking up on me and asking me how I feel although you know the answer. Thank you for helping me in analyzing this guy's toxic behavior so that I didn't fall into his ugly traps. Thank you for always being there when I feel alone and lonely, I'm super grateful for your existence, hope you and I will meet our lovers soon!

I want to say thank you to Nadhira, for always being there through my ups and downs, thank you also for talking shit about this guy HAHA it helped a lot, thank you for always reminding me that I'm amazing, deserve to be loved, and deserve the best in this world. You know what? I will always be your friend and will never leave you forever. Pinky promise!

I want to say thank you to Vindy, for always being there as well as slapping me with reality. Thank you for never sugarcoating your words and always being straight to the point, I somehow need that too. Thank you for helping me defend myself, thank you for being mature. I love you so<3

I want to say thank you to Cacak, for never tired of listening and responding to all my rants about this shitty guy, thank you for giving your best advice although you know that it would come to my sense when I'm sober enough to process anything. Thank you for always trying to cheer me up, and always finding a way to make me feel better during those dark days. Love you so much<3

I want to say thank you to Baby, for always being there sitting quietly listening to my rants as well as making fun of this shitty guy. I'm entertained every time we meet and talk. Cannot wait to move to Bandung and be on your side 24/7<3

I cannot write paragraphs about people who have helped me as it would make a long-ass paragraph, however, I'm thanking everyone who's there during my dark days, during my healing process. I'm thanking everyone who pours their love into beautiful words to make me feel better and help me to get through the day. I'm grateful for all your genuine care, love, and support. so thank you

In the end, I want to say thank you to you, qi. Thank you for showing off your true colors, you might tell all people that I suck, that I'm the one to blame as your manipulative ass will be always in you forever. It's so unfortunate as you could conquer the world by being kind and being true to yourself. You don't have to feel sorry for me, feel sorry for yourself that your toxic traits cover up the good ones. Hope the guilts and regrets forever be in you<3