I have always been alone, and lonely

I spend most of my time being alone, and lonely

I don't have any problem going out alone, doing things alone, living alone, -- having fun alone (I once enjoyed a concert alone)

But I just found out recently the meaning of solitude I'm having these past few months after facing some hellish ordeals that, successfully, ruined my life--- I can still feel the pain and trauma but I'm much better compared to me 3 months ago-- Thanks to family, friends, and me. 

If I'm allowed to say, the first six months of 2022 has been rough. People come and go-- but it's more like the people I adore are leaving. Some left with a fit of anger, some left forever, and some left because they needed to. I haven't welcomed the new ones. 

Thinking about the concept, it will be only me and my solitude, at the end. 

I've been contemplating a lot recently whenever I'm alone--or doing things alone. At that moment, I realize, that life is not something you can grasp. It's something that you need to feel while it's there. Being with someone you adore so much now? feel it, having a rough week? feel it, enjoying your favorite meals 5 days in a row? feel it, being scolded by your nicest boss? feel it, getting unexpected money from your work? feel it, been crying for a whole month? feel it. Just feel it and enjoy it while it's there. 

People come and go, all the things you love and hate also come and go, and you will come and go eventually, either you walk out of someone's life or your own. 

Living your life to the fullest, being friends with your solitude. Dig deeper when there's just both of you. In other words, get to know yourself even deeper. What do you want? what do you need? What's the definition of living for you? How to solve your own problems? how to maintain your mental health? talk to yourself, they've been feeling lonely that they look for someone to lean on when the truth is, the only person they need is themselves. 

Don't ask for someone that has the possibility of breaking your heart, ruining your life, or crushing your mind. Question everything and try to look up the answers yourself, by being observant as well as learning from your pasts and mistakes.

You will be okay, your solitude won't push you off of the cliff.